broomstick

revenge stage

the possibility of destroying my credibility seems so worthwhile

i will have the final say.

sick :(

Bah, really sick again. I didn’t see this coming…

School tomorrow. Now I’m thinking about whether or not I should carry out my plan…I don’t know if I should…we’ll see.

So here’s the thing: people have some nerve. If they can even consider something after all that shit, it makes you look like a dumbass. A real dumbass. Even if I would consider it, it’s not even right to flat out say it. At least admit fault before you ask for something, yeesh.

As much as I hate to believe it, I have to. This work is not going to get done!

So much for the anticipated fantastic winter vacation that I’ve thought it would be 2 months ago. I’m sitting here with a damn fever and runny nose typing some shit that won’t even remotely help me in any way, shape, or form. Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday, and Happy New Year to me.

End of vacation…

I’m actually glad that it’s the end of vacation. Nothing was really accomplished in these 2 weeks, and to be honest, more was unaccomplished than anything else. Now I just sit on my chair thinking why I didn’t start homework and stuff earlier. I’ve done ONE thing since the beginning of vacation, and that was to…read chapter 8 in bio. That’s absolutely all I’ve done…in 2 weeks…for a chapter that was 17 pages long…ridiculous. My time has been greatly wasted, and I’ve realized I’ve been out of the house probably 3 times in 2 weeks, 2 of which were school related. To top it off, I’m sick again. Again. Also, I’ve come to realize that I can no longer depend, and for that matter probably trust, anyone anymore. If I want something done, I always have to do it myself. I have yet to meet someone who I can really depend on, at least not recently, and it doesn’t seem like I will anytime soon. I also lost a very dear pen of mine and would now have to find another with equal sentimental and practical value…which also probably will not happen.

So now I don’t know what to do tomorrow…finish Moby Dick or to start on my legend? Either way, the week is going to suck, but at least I’ll have people to talk to at school…I guess.

If the rest of my senior year is going to be so remarkably boring, then I don’t know what to say. Look at that…time to pop some pills

Nippy tippy

I’m actually kind of hungry…what the. And a bit sleepy.

Without a doubt ‘09 was the year of all years. Unfortunate that the best times ended in one of the worst. When I said senior year sucked the most, I meant it. Why did everything happen at the last minute? Can’t even enjoy my senior year…

Now that it’s over, I don’t know what to look forward to. What do I do from here? I don’t know where to go, and I feel uncomfortable really to do too much. Rokoko. I have so much to do.

So tired…

End of 2009.

I remember reading my horoscope last year at this time thinking…it can’t and won’t be that bad? I think it’s safe to say how wrong I was…get ready, there’s a lot to be said.

In fact, at this very time last year, I still recall the very thoughts I had, and the few but strong thoughts I had. Eventually, in a month’s time, it had ALL worked out. Eventually, in that month’s time, my mind was cleared. It was beginning in February that I really started enjoying the life that I kind of admired. Maybe not admiration…but I don’t know. Hazy moment, brain fart. Anyway, unfortunately, I lost a part of me that really was important at that time. Now I have to live with that bitter regret…I will always wonder how I could do that to myself.

Fast forward to April/May, things really picked up.  Summer was pretty great. And with the inclusion of a last rough 2 months, I’m here sitting here typing this.

I look back and wonder, have I changed since last year? Honestly speaking, yes. But I really don’t think it has been a dramatic change. If you’re reading this, I’d like to really know (and yes, I know YOU’RE reading this, among others). I don’t see myself really that much different.

I think this is also worth mentioning, since it’s kind of…really important. Cynicism is something that has only grown throughout the year. Evidence from this year just really…seals the deal. I made everything happen, and THIS is what I get.

There have been many o’ talks about ohso many things, ohso everything, even about this. I can’t believe it, it’s something that there was already discussion about! Those awkward encounters near Manzanita, sneaking around schools at night, even jabbing at seemingly scrap metal overnight. I always thought that I was materialistic, but it seems like I’m more sentimental than I thought.

Now to steer away from the path to nowhere, I don’t know what to think of this year. Was it sucky? Seemingly yes now, but a good solid 9 months was pretty…good. Great, whatever. Kicking the can for 3, does it offset 9? Just thinking…repeat of 2.5 years ago. It’s a sad moment…

But then I’ve realized something…I really don’t like people. I’ll never have a heart-to-heart (excuse the lack of vocabulary) connection as I’ve had ever again–I do think the destruction the few is enough for now at least. Maybe this was a mistake…

Now I’m losing so much time on everything. I’m in a time crunch just to complete my routine. I have so much difficulty just trying to keep up, too much stuff swirling in my mind nowadays. And guess what? I don’t trust/want to trust anyone enough to talk anymore. This is all just a smidgen of what I think about. Atop that with school, more family stuff, college, and social standpoint, I’m at my wits’ end.

I have so much more to say, and that’s a problem. This is why I prefer talking, but this is why I prefer typing. I’d just like to thank those 2-5 people who have helped throughout the year. I also have a feeling that those that I lean toward are actually mistakes…some of them. I really need to keep my eyes peeled. I miss how it was. I miss those days of simplicity, I can say that without a doubt. I do believe this is as honest as I’ll get. And look at this, I’m now 18 and I can’t even see the joy in it. Maybe I am just that, pathetic.

Protected: one week ago

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Protected: stupid fly…

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Protected: sigh

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Protected: Never had I thought I would have to write here again

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Ugga moo moo

So much to talk about, it’s been over a month. And I know some people (Chase) is dying to read something new from someone. Luckily, I won’t give him the satisfaction of reading anything interesting or what “social” functions I’ve been a part of.

Let’s see…my days have been divided mainly on working on summer assignments, maplestory, and driving around places (though I can not specify due to it’s relativity to social functioning if that even makes sense).

Honestly I thought I had a lot to say…I actually don’t.

Chase, you’re useless at keeping me entertained. I was up until 4:30 with no one to talk to, thanks a lot. I also woke up at 8:30 today…it’s been 2 months since I’ve even done that–sleep for 4 hours. I guess I should prepare myself again for the school year.

I’ve really just recently seen the effects of my undying curiosity to know everything. It’s quite amazing how irrational I get, and upon looking back, how ridiculous it was.

Now I’m just seriously drawing a blank…I could’ve sworn I had a lot to say, and just about a list of 20 things that made me mad over the past month. Now I don’t remember anything at all. I think I am losing it a bit…people are right…

BTW: I only realized how much I love Seinfeld! It’s the best show ever, someone should buy me all their seasons. All 9 of them. Brings me back memories…